Middle 2014 we had to move to Cape Town for 5 months. I was so alone, depressed and super restless. (mixed state, looking back) I had wandered off, far away from God. I was on venlafaxine at the time and when I got suicidal I went to a local psychiatrist who told me to start tapering down the venlafaxine and that the next Monday he will admit me to hospital and start me on new meds. 8 Hours after stopping my venlafaxine, I tried to commit suicide. My husband found me passed out with pills all around me.
My parents flew to Cape Town and we all had a serious talk. The thing that got to me the most was when my mom said that if I should end my life, I would also end theirs. Later that day I wrote “Fighting the good fight”. When I was on the beach again on a rainy day I told God, listen I don’t want to live, but I can’t really die after that speech so tell me why I must live. That was the day my boat turned. God spoke to me through different things, sermons, booklets and people and one night in church we sang a song by Tree63 – Treasure. “MY HEART IS WHERE MY TREASURE LIES, MY GREAT REWARD IS IN YOUR EYES, MY EVERY BREATH BELONGS TO YOU”. That night it all clicked I was living for Him for His plan with my life and that I live so that one day when I do die and meet Him, He will look into my eyes and say “well done my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:21).