I just went out for lunch, had to get out of the house. My favourite coffee shop was closed, so I had to go to another one that I’ve never been to. This already screwed with my brain. As I sat there I thought of everything I still have to do today, write a blog entry, prepare my speech for next weekend’s conference, prepare for my tutoring lesson tomorrow, record a podcast, the list goes on… I have the whole day to myself, to do all these things, still I don’t cope. How am I gonna cope when I start with my experiments again (busy with master’s degree in chemical engineering). I can’t drop the tutoring, I need the money. I cant drop the blogging and podcasting, it is my joy. And I can’t drop out of the masters for more than one reason. So what do I do??
Prediagnosis I was able to do so much more in a day. My bipolar now limits me and that makes me want to scream and kick the next box I see (let’s hope it is filled with foam) Is it the meds or the cognitive impairment due to my disorder? (Yes bipolar disorder leads to some level of cognitive impairment, if you wanna know more lemme know and I’ll write a blog about it) Either way, I hate this. This anxiety that builds up when I think about my day. The fact that planning my week always leaves me paralyzed…
So how do I rise above this? By taking control of my life, I’m not the victim here. Sounds cliche I know, but that is what needs to happen. I must also go and sit at God’s feet and ask Him what I should spend my time on this year, He really does know best :). So off I go to analyze and pray. Yes I need to adjust my lifestyle to take into consideration my diagnosis, it’s wise not to live in ignorance, even when you’d rather ignore you circumstances and limitations.
I’m calmer now, will do what I can today. Thanks for reading my rant.