Not to worry

From 2014…
I sit here at my desk in our flat in Cape Town. The desk is on a stone floor next to the big window so I’m feeling the cold. It is a proper winter’s day in the cape; rain with the cold. Somehow the sound of the rain drops calm me a bit, I woke up so nervous today, it has been a tough two months. But I have made it so far and in a week’s time my exams will be over and I will have a break. It is just getting through the exams, or even more basic, getting through this week of studying. The pills together with the hypomania have left me with no ability to concentrate, so I push through every day, not particularly proud of my accomplishments.
These two verses in the Bible has encouraged me time and time again through these 2 months is Matthew 6v 26-27: “Look at the birds in the sky. They don’t plant or harvest or gather food into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. You are more valuable than they are, aren’t you? Can any of you add a single hour to the length of your life by worrying?”
How much more will God not look after me? Firstly because I am not a flower but his prized possession and secondly I do put effort in for these things unlike the birds who don’t lift a finger. It is important here to see the difference; worrying about something won’t get you anywhere cos it’s just a thought, but actions that spring from thinking about life’s challenges might buy you an extra few minutes here on this planet. So once again Jesus is not knocking us for trying to do something about what bogs us down, He just has a problem with us being bogged down…
So today, I’m going to make sure I eat, rest and meditate to help me cope with the hypomania. I’m gonna commit myself to a few hours of studying and schedule it throughout the day to prevent burnout. I might just go take a walk outside to enjoy the fresh rain air and remind myself that the God who orchestrates the weather patterns also makes my business His business.

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