In the midst of the battle

Wow! What a rough time it has been emotionally! I’m one irritated and upset lady these days. My emotions are not listening to me! They’re running around like stray dogs overtaken by rabies.

Funny thing is my thoughts aren’t partcularly off the track, I’m getting frustated with my emotions and thoughts of escape sneak around in the hollows of my mind, but I’m not having depressive thoughts. In fact I find that my thoughts are fighting for me…

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I find that the more I fight every emotion with a thought in the opposite direction, the easier it gets every time to access the thought quicker and although it doesn’t overcome the emotion, it makes it more bearable. To me this is acceptance of my lot with joy, while still experiencing sorrow and suffering. If you want to understand better what I mean with this expression, read the following book: Hind’s fight on high places by Hannah Hurnard. It’s a 200 page alegory of a woman called ‘Little much afraid’ and her journey up to the high mountains.

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I really suggest that it be read by anyone who wants to mature spiritually or are going through rough ad testing times. I want to share with you guys a piece that I wrote in my journal while in the midst of this emotional torment:

I am not alone, Jesus is with me, He is in my boat with me and He understands everything I go through, He feels it with me and He understands how difficult it is. He has endured every pain known to man, even mental suffering and He understands even though others may not understand because it is not visible to the outside world. We have compassion and understanding in Him and we are not alone in whatever we feel. He carried all our sin, shame, sickness and suffering with Him on the cross. He experienced the torment that each soul should feel on this earth so that we may know that it is defeated and that it did not overcome Him, therefore by His grace extended to us, it doesn’t have to overcome us either. We can look it square in the face and with a brave voice declare it overcome, defeated by the blood of Christ. It does not get to win, it does not get to drag us down into the pits of hell because He has suffered it for us, and done so graciously. He has gone down into the abyss and come back up again with the keys in His hand. He has overcome that we may be free from the curse of this world, that we should only walk in the shadow of death but never in death itself. Our salvation is sealed, one day we will be set free from this earth and all its snares and on that day we will chant triumphantly HOLY HOLY IS THE LAMB!! We will leave this earth with all that matters safely intact in the father’s hand. He cannot touch our deepest river of joy that springs forth from the knowledge of the debt settled on the cross. He cannot separate us from the love that burns so deeply within our bones. That love we first felt when grace touched our heart and we saw our Saviour’s sacrificed body on the cross. The peace that He has granted us with the knowledge of Him who sits in heaven on the throne forever, never to be overtaken but victorious till the end of time and even after. Joy, Love and Peace, These things He gives to us in the measure that we require it to get through each day. We are sanctified, holy and pure. Enough to face the battles, the snares, the trips, the tests, everything that will to break us, we can face with great confidence knowing that not only has He fully provided on the cross, He Himself is standing next to us, calling the angels forth to sustain us with Manna from heaven, Taking the first jab at the enemy and whispering the war cry of heaven into our ear that we may know the truth of the cross! It is finished! 

So although my emotions are taking me for a wild ride, my mind is with Jesus and that sustains me. I will pass through the fire, untouched…

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