So last time I blogged, I told you that all isn’t well with my master’s degree. Things are looking up, I’m handing in my first draft tomorrow (if I can stop blogging and start working). I’m starting to plan for next year and I am at a crossroads, Cape Town or Pretoria? Study or work? Engineering or counseling/philosophy/theology/writing… Ugh too much for tiny brain! Tiny brain wants to just walk away and never come back…
All these decisions and uncertainties doesn’t play nice with the bipolar either. I’m antsy and forever running on all cylinders because in the back of my head I’m constantly weighing pro’s and con’s. I’m using almost all of my RAM on this while I should be dotting my i’s and crossing the t’s of my thesis (and checking my spacing, grammar and formatting my figures and tables and checking my footnotes and table of contents, I could go on…)
So yes all this crossroads business is screwing with my peace-and-calm juice box I’ve been sipping on for a few months now. BUT all progress needs to be tested to make sure it is fit for purpose, good to go, ready for the shopfloor, open to the public. In short, I need to test drive this new ‘happy’ I’m experiencing on the dirt road as well before I can buy (into) it.
Thankfully I’m not on this safari or should I say Dakar rally alone, I have my navigator with me. Just told someone I hate being in limbo, but it is comforting to know that God is never in limbo, He is always busy with something, every step of the way is marked out and leads to the next step, seemingly by miracle, but well orchestrated all along. Just because, for a while, slightly longer than an ad break really, I don’t know how my life will look in two months time, I am ready to freak out and announce a system meltdown. Sounds like I need a cup of faith tea rather than another peace-and-calm juice box. It is not that I don’t trust Jesus with my future, it is more a case of me not trusting my antenna.
I know the answer to my problem, pray pray pray, read the Word, pray Read the word, drink some water, read the word, pray and then think, slooowly. There ya go! There is a third way to align my soul with spirit as well… It is a road less travelled for me, but it is one that keeps popping up in the sermons I listen to… community. I need to watch the GodAnswers channel on somebody else’s TV while I’m busy tinkering with my antenna. But but but… I know what you want to say, eeewwh! trust other people, noooo! Well let me put it to you this way. Do you believe they are saved by the same God that saved you? Do you then also believe that they have the same God’s Spirit in them? So then maybe they can also hear from God. Who knows maybe they’re not experiencing the same kinda signal interference as you are? (metaphor for your issues and blind spots, if you didn’t catch the hint) hmmm…
Oooh now my brain is whirring even more! There is so much to say about seeking guidance and input from your community of fellow believers. If I could sum it up in one (lengthy) sentence it would be that it would be better to hear from God yourself but input should not be disregarded, especially if it is from people who show good fruit in their life and have your back, test it all though and see where your peace rests. Go ahead and pray, read the word but then ask, cautiously if you must, but ask nonetheless. Allow yourself to be the cat in the gif below and your community of fellow believers the man helping the cat walk (ignore the fact that the cat looks unimpressed for now)
Have a great week everybody!