The mountain awaits

Geseende kersfees! (Merry christmas) It is a wet and cold day in Pretoria. I had a friend visit last night, I’m really going to miss her. As well as some other people. But it is time. Time for me to be taken seriously. Time for me to make a way for myself and prove that bipolar isn’t a death sentence. That despite all the negative things being said and the crippling judgements made over my life, I am not at the end, nor am I idling in neutral, I am driving forward into unchartered territory. To tackle a PhD is no small thing, moving to a new city, so different from the one I know so well, is not a small thing, these are big things I am taking on, but I have to. I am at a crossroad; get stuck and eventually end up going back to that horrible place, or move forward –  face the mountain and start climbing it. I’ve changed a lot over the past two years, a lot of time has been invested in me by different people and I can say that I’m in a good space. I know myself a lot better and I know how to take care of myself, most of all, I know I can do this. I will probably fall flat on my face a few times, but I know I’ve got the strength to stand up, I know what I need to know, I’ve been drilled in the process of picking oneself up again after a loss and I’ve got my toolbag with me that will enable me to do the right thing and prove myself right. It will be a fight sometimes, with myself, with the world, but even for that I have prepared. I have become strong again and I have my wits about me. I can make this journey into a brand new life, one catered to fit into my plan for success. I am not invincible, but as sure as the sunrise after the night, I am up for the fight.

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