I’m a chemical engineer who loves Jesus and suffers from bipolar type II
I’m a believer in Jesus Christ, the Holy Son of God. I live for knowledge, insight and wisdom. I aspire to grasp what God thinks about stuff by relying on the Scripture, real life experiences and the Holy Spirit.
I suffer from bipolar depression II, Everyday I journey towards knowing and understanding my illness better.
My other passions in life are my husband and shoes. I like trying new food and watching movies, so far Sherlock Holmes (both the books and the movie ) is on the top of my list. CS Lewis is one of my all time heroes and one day I plan to take over the world. 🙂
Life story (short version)
Born in 1986 in a small town in South Africa (at the bottom of the map of Africa, hence the name J), I was, apparently, a very cute baby who became a very witty little girl. At around the age of four, I remember looking around the playground and realizing I’m not like everyone else. I started getting depressive spells in primary school and in high school I started cutting as well. I soon rejected God but returned to Him in my 16th year on a hot Saturday night. After school I got my degree in chemical engineering and worked for four and a half years as one, helping with the day to day operation of a plastics plant. After that I returned to university where I am currently completing my master’s degree. I had a few episodes, both hypomanic, depressive and mixed before I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, the penny dropped after the big crash of 2010, the episode that landed me in the hospital for the first time. I was being treated for severe insomnia and depression, when one morning, after deciding I should paint my face like a cat, my psychiatrist decided he should label me Bipolar II. Since then I’ve been hospitalized at least once a year due to my rapid cycling. I Also suffer from ADHD, the only thing that can keep my attention is Grey’s Anatomy.
How do I cope?
I have become very dependent on God and try to meditate at least twice a week, during which He speaks to me or sometimes we just sit with each other (once He showed up as a lion and I cuddled with a lion for 45 minutes, it was amazing!) I also read a lot from blogs, academic articles, books and the bible. I have a list of verses (stands at 44 at the moment) that I always carry with me and rehearse when I feel my emotions starting to fray. I also journal, writing is an amazing tool especially since I use it as a form of prayer, it forces me to slow down my thoughts and as I write them down I can see which are bringing me down and then God helps me and I start writing the truth down, he takes over and starts speaking to me through my own penned words. I am still seeing my mentor and psychologist, they have helped me deal with a lot of hurt from my past and change behavioral patterns. I also have an amazing husband who thinks I’m just the best thing to ever happen to him. He is the voice of reason many times, and when I can’t pray, He steps in and prays for me. My parents are also pillars of strength in my life, when my dad prays, it feels like all of heaven subsides and listens, it is like sweet balm on my wounds. My mom is my biggest fan and you need fans in this world. She listens and gets sad with me, happy with me, but most of all she thinks I really will take over the world some day (maybe not literally but in some sort of way). Then there are also my 2 good friends who are always there for me, we listen to each other rant and usually commit to offing someone for each other. (I may have just incriminated myself J) Lastly exercise has made a big difference, to such an extent that if I don’t exercise, I don’t sleep very well, and sleep deprivation is my number one precursor and symptom of an episode.
How my relationship with God shapes me
He is the Hero in my story. He is the author behind every good thing that has happened to me from the pastor who led me to Christ to providing me with amazing people to support me. He also guides my life according to His purpose. But the most wonderful unbelievable unimaginable way He shapes me is through my relationship with Him. That direct contact. I can read and hear a lot of things but He brings it to life and orchestrates change in the times when we are hanging out. I know He is with me in everything that I go through and that He has felt every emotion I feel, so He understands and instead of judging me, He comforts me. I am consumed with Him. We have a pact that the day He can’t use me anymore He will take me Home, I can’t wait to be with Him, but like St. Paul, I stay on for His purposes. The other thing about walking this path of restoration with God is that I become more and more myself, as He designed me to be and I know that He made me a specific way so that I can accomplish in this life what he has ordained for me. That’s the ‘magic’ of God, He treats each person differently, as He sees fit, that is why we can’t judge each other, we know nothing of their walk with God (or lack of), only He can judge us and He chose to rather die for all our iniquities and sins so that it wouldn’t prevent us from having a relationship with Him. Truly He loves us.
More about me
My first language is Afrikaans (sounds a lot like dutch) and I live in Pretoria, the capital of South Africa. I love the colour green and rabbits. I have over 30 different bunny things in my house. From paintings to ornaments to stuffed toys (I live in a 2 bedroom flat so it averages at 6 items per room, bit much hey?) I have a charity where I help struggling new mommies with the basic things that you need. (Happymommy charity on Facebook and www.happymommysa.com) I’m adore science! Especially chemistry, although at the moment I’m working with bacteria and water treatment technology. I was a punk in school, had a Mohawk and all, which is very extreme in a small conservative farming community. I also have a Facebook page; Me, God and Bipolar. I collect hoodies (I think you guys call them sweaters) from different universities and have started writing my first fiction which is based on the concept that, at the end of the day, penguins are ruling the world (secretly ofcourse, but it should be obvious, I mean have you ever seen a penguin not born wearing a suit? I know it’s scary…) If I could choose a penpal (dead or alive) I would choose CS Lewis and the superpower I would love to have is Sherlock Holmes’ amazing powers of deduction and reasoning. I swear more than I would like to and the ultimate torture for me is when someone is eating fries in front of me and I can’t have any. (I’m grumpy now from just imagining the scene)